Glee.

Last night while watching Glee on Tivo, I had an  aha! moment. Little blonde pregnant girl ( I'm new to the show, I don't know everyones name yet!) was having a tender moment with token big girl about body image/eating. Pregnant girl used to be a cheerleader and was always starving herself to be perfect. When she said something about how now she eats right for the baby, why couldn't she eat right for herself, it hit home with me.

I had gestational diabetes during my pregnancy with Mason. I worked very hard to eat low carb and keep my blood sugar levels down. It was only high in the mornings when I woke up, during the day I could keep it in check by eating properly. I only had to take a pill in the morning, I did everything I could to stay away from needing insulin.

If I could take such good care of myself because he was inside of me, why can't I carry that over to taking care of myself so I'm alive to take care of him? Sometimes I will see or hear something about a mother of a young child who died, and I break down into tears. That is such a fear of mine, dying when he is just young. And yet, everyday that I don't get break my old habits, I'm really doubling my chance that that may happen.

Madness.

I have been overweight my entire adult life. I've been smaller, I've been bigger.  I have come to realize that no diet is really going to work for me until I get my food problems worked out.

I know that I am lazy. I know that I overeat. I know that the two are a deadly combo. So I am trying to change my " fat habits ". Then we can tackle the weight.